Bringing up Multicultural Children in Turkey

http://todayszaman.com/tz-web/news-195157-132-expat-voice-bringing-up-multicultural-children-in-turkey.html

Naturally, there is nothing more wonderful for a married couple than to hear that they are expecting a baby. “I wonder if our baby will look like me, with brown skin and a flat nose. Perhaps he or she will look like you, with fair skin and a pointed nose,” I smiled at my husband.

We wondered about our baby’s gender, of the little steps our baby would take and all the wonderful things that would come from welcoming that precious little person who would be the gem of our lives. My husband and I were no different. The happiness was indescribable but then, whether we liked it or not, there were bound to be conflicts. I am Malaysian and was brought up in Malay society with the Malay way of life. My husband, on the other hand, is a Turk, brought up in a Turkish society with the Kayseri way on his mother’s side and the Rumelian way on his father’s side. We are two people who were brought up in two different cultures; there are so many differences in our cultural backgrounds. What were we as parents supposed to do? There were so many conflicts. We had to find a common ground. But where to start? I, for one, have a rebellious soul. I hate rules and restrictions. I was happy enough to discover that my gynecologist, who also happens to be my brother-in-law’s sister, was a very open type kind of person. I was not given strict “dos” or “don’ts” which I expected to get from a doctor from my own country. Just imagine, I was allowed to drink coke, which was my favorite drink then during my pregnancy, and I was allowed to eat McDonald’s two days after giving birth. In Malaysia, that is almost unheard of! But deep down, despite my rebellious soul, did I crave to have the post-birth massage which we Malaysians traditionally have to make sure all the nerves in the body are corrected to their pre-birth state? Did I wish that my mother would be there to insist that I eat food cooked with lots of black pepper (to heat the body) as well as ginger (to decrease the gas in the body)? Did I dream of being forced into the traditional corset where meters of plain white cloth would be wrapped around my body to help me lose the fat around my tummy? Did I dream of being forced to drink “jamu,” the roots of various trees boiled in water and later drunk (which tastes extremely yucky) to repair and strengthen the inner parts of my body? Even though I would have rejected all these things were I to have given birth in Malaysia, being away from home made me crave them. But then, I was not living in Malaysia. I was and am living in İstanbul, and what İstanbul offered me as a new mother then was equally special in its own way. Parental differences from the very beginning Motherhood had introduced me to the deep level of over-protectiveness of the Turks. I had to undergo a C-section type of birth at the last minutes due to fetal distress. After the birth, at least for a week, I was not allowed to do anything. It was my mother-in-law (whom I called anne) who did everything. My job then was to rest, to recover my strength and to feed my baby. This over-protectiveness is truly evident in the way they dress their children. Take, for example, my daughter, Nur Hatice, and my son, Sabahaddin. The moment I was past the first trimester of pregnancy, the older people (my mother-in-law and my husband’s aunties) started to knit as many wool sweaters as they possibly could. Turks are very particular about keeping children warm. My daughter was a winter baby. When she was a newborn, I can remember how she was covered in layer after layer of clothing. “Keep the baby warm,” the elders kept advising me. As someone who came from a tropical country where we only see sun and rain, I naturally followed the ways of my Turkish family. When my children were older, I used to take them to a playground nearby. The over-protectiveness of the Turkish family was always evident when I saw foreign children there. The American and British kids, who used to frequent the playground, would be clothed in shorts and simple T-shirts at 14 to 20 degrees Celsius. But when I looked at my own kids and other Turkish kids, they would be covered in thick wooly sweaters with layer upon layer of clothing! It was obvious how different the upbringing of the American and British kids was from the Turkish kids. Turks simply over-clothe their children. What about food? Would my kids grow up eating Turkish food or Malaysian food? That was a question that used to play in our minds as well. My husband had no objection to me feeding our kids Malaysian food. He himself loves some of my local dishes. But we live in İstanbul. Naturally, the ingredients available promote the preparation of Turkish food. Cooking Malaysian food is quite impossible here unless I can bring certain spices to Turkey, which is difficult. I remember feeding my daughter a very hot Tom Yam dish when she was just 5 months old. Surprisingly, she ate it with no complaint. But as she and her brother have grown up on Turkish food, the preference for Malaysian food is lost to them except for certain things like curries. Whenever we visit Malaysia, I have to cook special food for them or feed them Western fast food there. Luckily, the Indian food in Malaysia has certain similarities with Turkish food so I was feeding my kids Roti Canai for breakfast or Chapati or Nasi Kandar or Nasi Ayam for lunch or dinner most of the time. I don’t blame them. Food is an acquired taste. Your taste will always be synchronized with the food you grew up eating. Just as I will always crave Malaysian food, my husband and my half-Turkish children will always crave Turkish food. The language dilemma There was also this conflict in language in rearing our children. What language will they be speaking? I wanted them to be trilingual and speak Turkish, Malay and English as their native languages. Turkish is naturally vital as they live in Turkey and it is the medium of instruction here. Malay is my own language, which would be important for them to communicate with my family in Malaysia. As for English, it is a universal language which they can use everywhere they go. I believe that a child’s brain can comprehend all three languages in one go. Such a thought sounded logical to me, though not to my husband. The possessiveness of a person, namely my husband, over their language was evident when we had to face this issue. It reminded me of how the French are overprotective of the French language. My husband is no different. He insisted that our kids be taught only Turkish for the first five years of their lives. Only later, they should learn English and Malay. He didn’t want his children’s minds to be polluted by any other language; they should only learn his mother tongue as this is where they live. After a lot of heated discussions, it was finally agreed that they would be speaking Turkish as their mother tongue and that English and Malay would come later. It was agreed upon. Be that as it may, there was also another challenge that accompanied this decision. As a bride in a new land, after our marriage, I had developed a resistance to learning Turkish. I subconsciously felt the threat of losing my own identity if I were to accept the Turkish language. I rejected the language, insisting that I would speak English forever. It was only after I got pregnant that I began to relax and somehow accepted opening up my mind and subconsciously learnt the language through the interactions of daily life. Just think, how was a mother who only has the most basic of Turkish (who refused to learn Turkish except through acquisition) and who spent 24/7 with her kids be expected to teach them Turkish properly? I mean, I practically learned Turkish together with my children. Even now, after 10 years of marriage, I still subconsciously refuse to learn the language properly. What hope do my kids have to be excellent speakers of Turkish? Fortunately, the Zaim family has a close knit relationship. When my late mother-in-law and father-in-law were alive, we used to go to their home almost every day. My kids learned their early speech there as their Uncle Kerim and their Auntie Mehveş were always there as well. The rest of the siblings and their families also often get together. It is at the times when the parents spend hours chatting and the 10 cousins play with each other that my kids improve on their communicative skills. Right now, my daughter is an excellent speaker of the language, while my son is expanding his ability particularly with the help of his teachers in school. Yes, their mother tongue is Turkish. English is their second language and Malay is in the process of being learnt. My lack of knowledge of Turkish also led us to another test; my children’s schooling. Right now, my daughter is in the third grade, while my son is in second grade. They go to one of the Coşkun private schools, which is a Turkish school. I do confess that the hardest part for me is homework time. It was when my daughter was in second grade that I realized that except for English lessons, I could not help them with their homework anymore. My Turkish is limited, and I am unable to explain or help them solve many of the problems in their homework. How am I to answer the questions on the synonyms or antonyms of Turkish words? What would I know of mathematical terminology? Furthermore, they come from a school system different from mine. It is really heartbreaking for a mother when you cannot help your child when they need help. Whether I like it or not, that is my reality. My husband helps the kids whenever he is at home. During his absence, however, I have the advantage of my kids having a year’s gap between them. My daughter, for example, can explain many things to her brother, simply because she learned the same thing a year before. On things that she cannot understand or help with, I am lucky enough to have many sisters-in-law who are more than willing to help answer any enquiries by phone that my children may have regarding their homework. Our other option is to write notes on the things my kids could not do at home, and the hardworking teachers at school will usually explain the matter to them later in class. In short, my kids are fated to depend on themselves and others to help them academically because of the inefficiency of their mother. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Only time will tell. For now, I am truly grateful for any help I can get. What I see is this; The conflicts that occur in rearing our children in the Turkish environment are no doubt hard for me as an expat mother, as we have had to make so many compromises to reach a common ground. Yet, they are what make everything exciting as well as complicated. I think my children are growing up nicely mainly because my husband and I will always be there for them. And what we lack, we have in the support of our family, relatives, teachers and friends who are willing to help guide them in developing their potential. Motherhood is a challenge as well as a blessing no matter who you marry or where you choose to live. It is how you choose to enjoy it. 11 December 2009, Friday

Ramadan welcome to the celebration

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/news-186652-expat-voice-ramadan-welcome-to-the-celebration.html

As I look at the wonderful spread of Turkish food on the table as it is almost time for iftar, the Turkish word for the fast-breaking meal during the month of Ramadan, my mind races back to yesteryear. I would be lying if I told you that I did not find İstanbul an interesting city.

I mean, look at its history and its architecture. It is a city in its own right, rich and diverse. And come Ramadan, well, festive and lively definitely are among the words that come to my mind. There is a change in the atmosphere in İstanbul that only comes with the appearance of the month where observant Muslims fast from dawn to dusk. A month I feel like none other. Occasionally, I do ask myself, why is İstanbul different when Ramadan comes? Is it the fact that suddenly you see dates sold everywhere? Or is it because people suddenly flock to shops to buy cheese, olives, sucuk, salami and all the things that people like as a part of the iftar? Or is it the fact that there is always a long line at the bakery toward iftar time when people wait patiently to get the freshest and hottest pide, the bread usually eaten during iftar and which is normally produced only in this month? Or is it the fact that when iftar time arrives, you will suddenly see İstanbul traffic almost disappear and restaurants and homes full of people waiting to break their fast together, feasting on all the rich varieties of food that are unique to Turks? And, of course, güllaç is the dessert of the month. What about the sudden appearance of drummers called “davulcu,” with their big double-headed drums, who walk around neighborhoods very early in the morning while beating a variety of rhythms to wake people up for suhoor (the pre-dawn meal before fasting begins)? Yes, these are among the simplest things that change the atmosphere of İstanbul when Ramadan comes. But what I love most is the fact that when I pass mosques, I see them illuminated by “mahya,” colored light bulbs strung between the minarets of mosques, shaped to form words like “Hoş geldin ya şehr-i Ramazan” (Welcome the holy month of Ramadan) or banners hung near the entrance of mosques that say “Oruç tut, sıhhat bul” (Fast and you will find health). Smaller mosques in residential areas may not have mahyas as part of their decoration. Still, they are wonderfully decorated with lights. The lights contrast magnificently with the darkness of the night, as if calling people to rejoice. The big mosques of İstanbul such as the Eyüp Mosque, the Fatih Mosque and the Sultanahmet Mosque (Blue Mosque) are always a sight to see during Ramadan. Such a sight is even more amazing when one is being lulled by the wonderful voice of the imam from the mosque reading the Quran, particularly toward iftar time. One feels so soothed listening to the lullaby of the Quran that one tends to forget the hunger and thirst one may be experiencing. I particularly love it when I see families, toting their youngsters along, going to mosques for the terawih prayer, a special prayer observed only during Ramadan, after the isha (yatsı) prayer. People are rushing to mosques to be closer to God and to be better Muslims and better people. The fact that the İstanbul Metropolitan Municipality has also worked hard to turn the city into an entertainment center during Ramadan makes the month even more special than it already is. There are a lot of activities planned all over İstanbul to keep everyone of all ages entertained from iftar until suhoor. The three most festive areas are Eyüp, Fatih and Sultanahmet. People usually flock to these places in the thousands to enjoy puppet shows, games, food stalls, art, exhibitions, sales and even live performances that go late into the night. These places are always crowded. People want to be there when they break their fast. They want to pray at mosques and enjoy the upbeat delights. As a result, restaurants are filled with customers during iftar. People also usually bring their own food and mats and break their fast in the area surrounding mosques. On weekends in particular, people can barely find space to sit to enjoy the food they bring as people from outside of İstanbul also tend to flock to these places. That is why İstanbulites normally prefer to stay away from these places during weekends. Two Saturdays ago, my family and I went to the Eyüp area for an iftar. Just imagine, we reached Eyüp at 5 p.m., and the traffic was terrible. Everybody was trying to head toward Eyüp. The big parking lot at Feshane was almost full (that is almost three hours before iftar).The inside and the surrounding area of the Eyüp Mosque were totally overcrowded. We had to hold hands in a chain as we walked in order to avoid losing each other. If you talk about overcrowding in a positive way, then yes, Ramadan is the time when this happens continuously in these places. It is a month of carnivals, when families spend time together, worship at holy places and enjoy themselves celebrating in an enthusiastic mood. Iftar tents throughout the city Another prominent feature that shows Ramadan is here in İstanbul is when you see Ramadan tents (iftar çadırı) being set up to provide free meals to those who come. There is usually a very long line where people are given completely free, hot meals in containers. This is in line with the concept of fasting where giving and sharing is among the key concepts of the month. The tents are normally provided by various organizations including the municipal authority and charity organizations such as Kimse Yok Mu. This way, the less fortunate are given a hot meal during Ramadan. No one is to be left hungry. In addition, these organizations also generally help the less fortunate by distributing basic food rations such as rice, wheat, oil, sugar and salt in pre-packed boxes. Even supermarkets sell these food rations during Ramadan as there are individuals who want to buy and distribute the rations themselves to the underprivileged. This is the spirit of Ramadan. This is when the needy put smiles on their faces as they are showered with the basic necessities that make a big difference in their lives. It is a reason to be joyous. But the change of atmosphere in İstanbul during Ramadan is not merely about giving and sharing with the less fortunate or how İstanbul is transformed into a festival of lights, sounds and action. The change is deeper than that. It is about the solidarity in spirit that people experience as they successfully complete their fasting and enjoy it with the people they love, be it inside their own homes or outside in a crowded space. It is also about every Muslim trying to be a better person as they continue with their fasting, trying not to succumb to their desires. It is also about how during this celebration of Ramadan, businesses flourish, which leads to a better economy for a better living and overall prosperity for everyone. Yes, this is Ramadan. Man or woman, old or young, privileged or underprivileged, this is a festival of life. So let's celebrate.

10 September 2009, Thursday

SIMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

TOO SCARED TO DRIVE?

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/news-182920-expat-voice-too-scared-to-drive.html

It was early December 2008 when I asked my kids, “Do you want to pick up your baba [father] from the airport?” Both shouted an excited yes.

The thing is, till then, I had never driven a car to the European side of İstanbul. I had no idea about the way. But since everybody in the family just said, “Go straight,” with the bravery I dreamt of possessing, I collected my inner strength and sat behind the wheel. I drove straight without making any turns, thinking that I was driving toward the second bridge, but in truth, I was heading toward the first bridge. I was supposed to turn left before going straight ahead. When I reached Üsküdar, I knew straight away that I was going the wrong way. Going straight meant I was supposed to reach the bridge to the European side, but Üsküdar is definitely on the Asian side of İstanbul. Where is the bridge? I kept on driving, stopping at gas stations, asking for directions, not really knowing where I was heading, my head painfully throbbing from stress, especially with two kids in tow. Outwardly, I was trying to be calm. Finally, I saw a familiar place, the Capitol shopping center. Thank God. I drove to Polis Hastane nearby where I knew there was a taxi stop. I asked for directions from taxi drivers only to find myself more confused than ever. I finally decided to go home instead of going to the airport and paid a taxi driver TL 15 to lead the way toward my home with me tailing behind in my own car. Halfway, the taxi driver stopped somewhere and told me that he talked to his colleagues and that the traffic to the European side was clear. Not wanting to disappoint my kids who really wanted to pick up their baba from the airport, I again changed my direction and drove the car toward the bridge with the taxi driver showing me the turn to the Bosporus Bridge. We later parted ways. After almost 100 kilometers of driving, taking “wonderfully” wrong turns just to reach the bridge (not to mention wasting TL 15 along the way), the kids and I finally managed to reach the airport safe and sound. Well, you may think what I did that day was funny. I mean who in their right mind would pay a taxi driver TL 15 as a guide home, eh? You may also sneer and think that I should not have driven at all, especially not knowing the road. Only a mad person would do that. Some of you may compliment my determination, though I did falter at a point. Finally being able to sit behind the wheel and drive on the scary roads of İstanbul is such a great memory. Yes, I was and am driving. How ironic is it to think that when I wrote my first piece in Today's Zaman on Nov. 6, 2007, I had complained of the terrible traffic, narrow roads and the dangerous yet interesting way of driving in İstanbul. I vowed that I would never ever be in the driver's seat. But that is the thing, isn't it? One should never say “never” because you may have to eat your words. Well, I did. I first got my driving license in Malaysia 17 years ago. I used to drive when I was back home, “kidnapping” my dad's car whenever possible. Unfortunately, İstanbul had actually killed my courage to drive. This fear had eaten me up on the inside, making me shameful of my inability to drive. It had followed me like a shadow, making me feel incomplete, my inner self battling to find the courage I lacked. It was only on a day when my husband had a kidney stone when we were at our summer house and had to drive himself to the hospital that I finally found the desire to drive, for emergency situations. And when he finally bought our first car (we used his auntie's car for years), I finally managed to fight the demons that had been eating me up on the inside. The thing is, I do not think I am alone in this fear of driving, particularly among ladies, on the roads of İstanbul. I think subconsciously it has a lot to do with the stereotype that women are always considered bad drivers. When someone parks the car terribly or someone drives slowly compared to the rest or someone makes a sloppy U-turn, automatically someone will think that the driver is a woman. In İstanbul, many times I have witnessed that male drivers in particular will honk their horns at women drivers for what they perceive is slow driving. I, myself, once driving at 100 kilometers an hour in the slow lane, was honked at by a truck driver for slow driving (100 kilometers an hour is slow in the slow lane?). Not only that, you can also witness swearing by their male counterparts concerning the way women drive. It is as if there is no patience at all when it comes to driving. Ironically, I do not see people honking their horns when a male driver makes an illegal turn, which happens far too often on the roads of İstanbul. Curse the ladies, ignore the male wrongdoers. Is that fair? Everybody needs to get somewhere. Reaching a place a little bit later will not harm anyone. To women who are still trying to get used to driving, being honked at or being cursed at can be very disheartening. This kind of stereotyping, whether one likes it or not, does damage women's self-esteem while driving. It also affects their driving skills. Recent studies show that women exposed to such stereotypes have a bigger risk of acting like “bad drivers,” thus contributing to a higher risk of accidents. Naturally, things are made even worse when one goes on the Internet and sees Web sites with pictures and videos of how bad women drive. They can be very degrading. The question is, isn't it bad enough for women in İstanbul who are starting to drive to have fear of the already frightening traffic and roads, with having to at the same time feel insecure over this stereotype? Personally, I see myself as a competent and responsible driver. Admittedly, I need help with parking. In my mind, I know how to park perfectly, theories and all. But as a result of this stereotype, my self-esteem regarding my parking capabilities is not very high. On a busy road, I do not have enough confidence to park the car because I know I will park slowly, with waiting cars honking at me. I hate being honked at. Consequently, I usually go places where I can park easily. Fortunately, I have every intention of not being laughed at or honked at while trying to park. That is why whenever possible, I practice my parking slowly in the apartment's parking lot or at my kids' school. The stereotype may state that women are bad drivers, but women drivers do not have to be that way. We should not let a simple belief among society dictate the way we drive. We are not the atrocious drivers society in general wants us to believe we are. It took me almost nine years to find the courage to drive again. It has been almost a year since I started driving on the roads of İstanbul. My personal finding is this: driving is just like learning to swim. It is not very hard. It is only after you have confidence and trust in yourself that you will be able to drive. It is actually less scary to be in the driver's seat than to sit next to the driver since you are the one controlling the car. You can see how narrow the road is, whether your car can pass another car. The control of the car is yours. Once you have gained that inner confidence, it does not matter where you are driving, be it İstanbul or even New York. One should always believe in oneself. Encouragement from your loved ones definitely helps. When I first started to drive our then-new car, I asked my husband: “What if I hit something? What if I scratch the car? Won't you be sad?” His answer was: “If you hit something, then you hit something. So what? You can do it.” That boosted my confidence because he trusts me. That is why, if one can overcome one's fears, one will be all right. Learning how to drive in the scary traffic in İstanbul, one also needs a lot of patience, in the sense that you know that some drivers (male or female) may turn to the left or right without signaling. You know that a minibus driver may sway to the left side or the right side of the road at a second's notice and perhaps no notice at all. You know that a minibus driver may also stop when you least expect it. You also know that there will always be some impatient drivers who will honk at you if you fail to move the car the second the traffic light turns green. There will always be those unexpected moments when a driver will make a turn where he or she should not. It is when you know what to expect from other drivers that you become a better driver since you know what to look for. You know what danger you may be in. You know what kind of irritation you may expect from others behind the wheel. When you begin to drive, it helps of course to drive where the traffic is not too heavy. My route was from our summer house in the village of Mahmudiye, driving downhill toward Kırkpınar in Sapanca. I later expanded my driving from Sapanca to İstanbul and slowly around the Asian side and a few familiar routes on the European side. It is always wise to stick to familiar routes in the beginning because the roads in İstanbul can be very confusing. There are thousands of roads one can get lost on. Even the familiar roads can have a “no entry” sign one day and a “with entry” sign the next day. That is why it is my dream to have a global positioning system (GPS) in our car so that I will not get lost. That may have to stay a dream, but hey, I am a woman, and I am driving in İstanbul. So?

04 August 2009, Tuesday

SİMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

This force of nature!

http://todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=180324&bolum=132

Nature is a force to be reckoned with. It can be terribly horrifying and life threatening, but also beautiful and peaceful.

I felt as if I were transported back to my years of growing up on Langkawi Island in Malaysia, full of nature and beauty, of peace and tranquility. Gigantic trees tower over the ground while wilted brown-colored leaves cover mother earth. “Come, step on me,” I could sense them beckoning me. “Come wander to places I roam free,” they invited me. The sound of a gushing waterfall running freely toward the lake and the croaking of frogs accompanied birdsongs as fish swam freely in the lakes. Green all over, with very minimal signs of modernization and almost no noise coming from vehicles to pollute the beauty of the surroundings that mother nature provided us, untouched by human hands: heaven on earth.

I didn't expect to see what I saw that day. There we were, on the way back home to İstanbul after spending five days at the Asya Thermal Hotel in Kızılcahamam. The hotel was surrounded by mountains, producing an indescribable air of freshness. The view of nature during our 16 kilometer drive to the top of Soğuksu Milli Parkı (Soğuksu National Park) left my husband in awe of the view nature provided us, something very rare for İstanbulites.

It was with that wonder in his heart, as we rode to İstanbul, that my beloved suddenly suggested we go to Yedigöller Milli Parkı (Seven Lakes National Park) in northern Bolu. It was an unplanned visit, so we ended up having to stop many times to ask for directions to the park.

I would be lying if I said the 42-kilometer-long road up and down the hills did not scare me. Every time my husband tried to open the car window for some fresh air, our children, born and raised in İstanbul, continuously shrieked: “Baba, please close the window and turn on the A/C! The bees or other insects might come into the car!” Life was totally evident in the surroundings. Anything could have decided to say “hi” to us, be they the bees, the deer, the squirrels, the foxes, the jackals or even the cows! For kids who are not used to insects and life in nature, they felt scared. I, on the other hand, was more afraid of the not-so-smooth road, of the holes on the way, of the at times narrow road, of the possibilities of stones falling down onto the car. I have to agree with my beloved when he said: “I suppose they keep the road this terrible so that many people won't come. Only that way will nature not be destroyed.” What a pity, isn't it? Humans, whether deliberately or otherwise, tend to destroy beautiful things.

It took us one hour and 20 minutes to reach Seven Lakes. But despite my fear of the bumpy road, I could not fail to notice the stunning forest landscapes. Just imagine, the 550-hectare Yedigöller National Park is located on two plateaus. Basking in the beauty of majestic trees such as beech trees, oaks, hornbeams, alders and black pines along the way, I was stunned by how I had wasted almost 10 years without a sight like this. True, I was used to such things as I was growing up, but to find this gorgeous beauty here, not so far away from İstanbul? I was awed! Even my husband kept telling himself, “Maşallah, subhanallah,” when he looked at the landscape, not really believing this gift from God standing in front of his eyes. He encouraged the children and me to take as many deep breaths as possible, saying the air is fresh. This was nature at its best!

The name “Seven Lakes” comes from the seven lakes that form the park; namely, Büyükgöl, Deringöl, Seringöl, Nazlıgöl, Sazlıgöl, İncegöl and Küçükgöl. They are not located very far from one another and can be reached on foot or by car. I do not imagine that this place is accessible in the winter due to the rough road, but I assume the green summer will be followed by a fall providing a landscape of reds, yellows and all those glorious fall colors that come with the season. I simply find this place extremely charming!

We reached the lakes area at around 4:30 p.m. My scared-of-insects kids, upon seeing the place, started to open up to their nature-loving side. My son ran and led the way toward the small streams of waterfalls, soaking his feet in the freezing cold water with a huge grin on his face. He practically ran up along the preset trekking route while my beloved, my daughter and I followed as we kept reminding him to stop when he was out of sight, all fears evidently gone. Nature simply brought out the best in us. It also didn't matter that we only had Pringles, tea and cold water (we came unprepared, remember?) to munch on as we sat on the wooden table by the lake to watch the fish swim. We were far to engulfed by the beauty of this force of nature. We were enthralled by it.

It was also possible to stay a night or two in the area. There is a place reserved for camping where special stone stoves are provided by the authority for campers to cook. A clean toilet is also provided while there are water pipes taking water from the free-flowing stream feeding the waterfall to accommodate thirsty throats. I later discover that there are also small bungalows belonging to the Ministry of Environment and Forestry for those who wish to linger around for a longer period. Even though there is a trout production farm at Deringöl and one can buy and cook the fish in the nearby stoves, one has to come fully prepared as this is a place far away from everything. Civilization is not near, despite the fact that you can find a few village houses along the way. I strongly recommend you go with more than just Pringles and tea.

As we were running out of time, we left Seven Lakes at around 6:20 p.m. without seeing all seven lakes. After being engulfed by such beauty, the journey from the lake area to Bolu no longer seemed scary at all. Deep down, however, I envy those who came with four-wheel drive, but I know one thing for sure: Our hearts remain in Seven Lakes. God-willing, we will be back!



09 July 2009, Thursday
SIMAH ZAİM

Ankara Orman Bölge Müdürlüğü (Ankara Forestry Directorate) Tel.: (312) 213 54 78, (312) 212 63 00

Timeshare vacation, anyone?

http://todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=179060&bolum=132

Oh, yes! Here comes the sun! A very hot one, I might add. The summer school holiday is upon us again, only this year there are 100 days of holiday -- much longer than in previous years, as the summer vacation period coincides with the end-of-Ramadan Eid al-Fitr celebrations (Şeker Bayramı in Turkish). More than three months of holiday? Hmm… That's a long time, I must say.
Until moving to Turkey, I never really bothered with the summer holidays. I actually felt weird with all the fuss that people made on TV about the holiday. I grew up in a place where every day of the year is practically summer. There is only sun and rain. There is no such thing as four seasons of weather conditions, and the longest school holiday is a maximum of one-and-a-half months at the end of the year.

My dad is a retired marine officer. He worked on his ship, away from home, for months at a time. Naturally, whenever he was at home, he preferred to stay home with his family. Going on vacations? I can't really remember going anywhere. Maybe that was because we generally lived on beautiful tourist-destination islands until my father retired. So there was really no need for him to take all six of his children on vacations: We were on vacation every day!

Turks, on the other hand, I find to be holiday-goers. When summer comes, families ask each other about their plans for the summer. It is the time of the year where everyone finds it only natural to get away somewhere. In fact, there is an unwritten need for a getaway, to escape the hustle and bustle of city life.

There are a few patterns I have observed over the last 10 years. For vacations, naturally the where, when and how depend on what a person can afford, both in terms of finances and time. In İstanbul for example, those who cannot afford a getaway simply spend their summer holiday visiting places within İstanbul itself. They go to places where they can spend less money while still allowing each member of the family to have an enjoyable time. Some people simply go back to their villages and spend time for a while where the cost of living is much cheaper, for a breath of fresh air. Of course, returning to family villages is an activity not limited to the less fortunate. People living in big cities find summer the best time to visit their respective villages and catch up with relatives, as the long holiday affords maximum time to enjoy the life, food and scenery of their villages. Many holiday-goers travel to places of their choice and stay at hotels for their vacation, flocking to popular tourist destinations like Antalya, Bodrum and many others. The more fortunate, who have their own summer homes, flock to their summer houses during the summer holidays. But there is another concept of vacation, one which has simply fascinated me from the beginning. It is the concept of the “timeshare,” or what the Türks refer to as “devre mülk”.

Understanding ‘devre mülk’

A timeshare is a form of ownership, more specifically the right to use a property for an allotted period of time each a year. In Turkey, it is normally two weeks, with the same timeshare date every year. However, the sharer does not actually own the property. The property developer owns the property. Your right is to stay at your timeshare unit during the specified time. It is basically a temporary ownership.

Timeshare properties, normally in apartment or condominium-style units, are usually designed to accommodate a family. For instance, one of the Zaim family's timeshare units, in Körfez, is designed to accommodate five people. There is a bedroom with a queen bed for two people, while there are enough sofa beds to accommodate three more people. It also has a bathroom (with a large tub) and a kitchen. The kitchen is equipped with enough utensils to accommodate all five people: five glasses, five plates, five forks, five knives, etc. Everything is designed for five people -- even the towels and blankets are sufficient for five people. Naturally there is also a television, air-conditioner and refrigerator. In other, fancier timeshare properties, I assume dishwashers are included as well.

Why does this timeshare concept fascinate me? Well, for a start, if one is to go on vacation and stay at a hotel every year, how long can an average middle class working family afford to stay there? The general answer, I assume, is roughly a week. For a larger family, the cost will be even higher. Yes, staying in a hotel is nice, but I personally do not find it very cost effective. Furthermore, when you stay at a hotel, by the end of the day, no matter how many stars the hotel has, it is still a room with a bed and a bathroom. Space is limited. There is simply not enough room to roam around.

In a timeshare, a person pays a certain amount of money depending on their agreement with the developer while the timeshare unit is constructed. However, once the unit is completed, I find the fee very affordable. Take, for example, our timeshare unit in Körfez. I remember that my late father-in-law paid a lot of money while it was under construction. Nonetheless, after that, for every year, we only pay once a year, when we come to stay at the timeshare unit. This year, for example, we paid TL 375, with an additional TL 8 since I “lost” a saucepan and we overused the electricity. Still, for two weeks of vacation, this is very cheap. The maintenance fee is included in the TL 375. Conversely, if one stays at a hotel, it can cost a minimum of TL 150 per room per night. Staying at a hotel for seven nights would cost at minimum TL 1050. I have two kids. Once they're a bit more grown up, we will need two hotel rooms, which will double hotel expenses. That is why a meager TL 375 for two weeks is, to me, basically a free holiday.

Stepping outside the city: summerhouses

What about summerhouses? Indeed, it is wonderful to have one. To spend one's holiday at one's own place, away from the city and free to do as one pleases for as long as one pleases. My sister-in-law's parents, for example, have a summerhouse on the Gulf of Saros. Spring comes, and they start abandoning their home in Istanbul to start planting vegetables and fruits in their summerhome garden. They love it there, as the sea is near and they are surrounded by their produce. Isn't that a great way to spend your holiday? For years our family (and the rest of the Zaim family) never failed to escape the heat of İstanbul at the family's summer home in Mahmudiye, Sapanca, where the house -- with a garden on top of the hill and a private swimming pool for the kids to splash in -- is the perfect summer getaway. Indeed, summer homes are a godsend -- but then, how many of us can afford our own summer home? This is why timeshares are an option holiday-goers should consider. I personally think that in the long run it is a much cheaper option for a vacation.

Each timeshare holder has a specific date in a year. What if you can't come on that date every year? What happens then? Luckily, one can ask the company to rent out your unit to others. Another possibility is to ask whether there is an empty unit, so you can go to at another date. For instance, our timeshare unit in Körfez is in September. This year, for example, due to Ramadan, we decided to not go on vacation then. Therefore, we asked whether there were any units available at another time. The answer was affirmative, and they found us a unit. Consequently, we vacationed there two weeks ago. Yes, we didn't stay at our own unit, but the units are almost identical. It didn't really matter. What matters is the fact that the exchange date option made it possible for us to go there. Another good thing about timeshares is that you pay only once. This time, for example, we could only stay for a week. There was one more week left. Anyone from the family (or even friends) can come and stay at the unit until the allocated period is over without having to pay. The payment is only made once. There is no restriction on who comes to stay there. That is a great advantage, indeed.

Of course, the concept of timeshares is not as widespread in Turkey as in America or in the rest of Europe. In Turkey, timeshare developers are scarce, but the concept is becoming an option for long-term vacation investments. Nonetheless, it all depends on the developers. Our Körfez unit, for example, is excellently maintained by the developer. The unit is in good shape even as it ages. There are other timeshare units in other places owned by the family which are not as well maintained. This is why the credibility of the units' developers and the future maintenance of the units should be taken into consideration. If you choose the right developer and the right location, I truly believe that timeshare-owning is the way to go. If one dislikes the timeshare location or the unit, there is also the option of selling your timeshare, despite not owning the property. One way or another, one does not lose much.

No matter how and where one chooses to spend one's time in the summer, it is always great to be able to go away somewhere, even for a day. Who wouldn't want to laze around and forget all their worries for a day or two, eh? Check in at a hotel, enjoy your summerhouse or even your timeshare unit; whatever you choose, the aim is always to relax. Still, summer is a long time to fill. Visit places of interest, go to the beach, swim at a swimming pool or simply stay at home and watch DVDs -- the options are countless. If you can't afford the time or the money to go to holiday resorts for a lazy getaway at the beach, there's no reason to fret. For several years now, the local authority in İstanbul has been cleaning the waterfront. There are public points, starting from Fenerbahçe (in Asia) and continuing all the way to Caddebostan and further, where the public can now soak themselves under the sun and swim in the sea. Who says you need to go somewhere far and costly to sunbathe? The answer to your prayers may be just a step away, and you won't even need to spend hundreds of lira. İstanbul has a lot to offer in every sense. In this time of economic crisis, staying put can be enjoyable, too. You just need to be creative and flexible.

Happy Holidays, everyone!


26 June 2009, Friday
SİMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

Give me a place to have fun

http://todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=168640


The opening ceremony of the Sabahattin Zaim Youth and Culture Center, built in honor of Professor Sabahattin Zaim who was known as the teacher of teachers, took place in Ümraniye, İstanbul on Friday. When you practically live in box houses, where a garden of your own is simply a dream, your life revolves around your work and your studies and then it's back to the box house again.

You don't speak to strangers; you don't allow your kids to play outside your own box, since it is not safe to be out there. This is İstanbul, after all. And do we know our own neighbors? Usually not. So what is there that life in İstanbul can offer you except all work and no play? This society, where social solidarity as a whole was once taken for granted, is now being replaced by a society that is defined by only the surrounding of the immediate family or family friends and people we know at work or at school. I am sure our grandmothers and grandfathers would have gasped in shock over the present condition of our society. But such things are unavoidable. Where there is development, people flock. Overpopulation emerges and, along with it, the unavoidable change in living conditions.

Last Friday, my husband and I attended the Ümraniye Municipality's opening ceremony for the Sabahattin Zaim Youth and Culture Center in honor of my late father-in-law, Professor Sabahattin Zaim, also known as "Hocanın Hocası" (the teacher of teachers).

True, the Zaim family feels honored by such a gesture. However, what interests me most as an expat is the usefulness of such a center. It is not just a building. As you approach the center, you see beautiful stone steps going up toward the building. As you walk, the water feature accompanies your every step, alongside the newly planted baby pine trees. The youth can gather there. They can sit by the water feature and just hang around, chatting with their friends. There is a swing for the younger kids to play on. Your steps toward the white structure of the center itself can be made useful as your eyes feast on the beautiful scene.
The center consists of a library and a few rooms for activities and lessons, to be used by society and to cater to people's needs.

From what I saw of the center, which has been in use since Jan. 1, many people are benefiting from it. One room is equipped with computers and Internet so that the children in the area will have full access to the Internet, whether to surf the net for pleasure (games) or for academic purposes. Classes are conducted for those who don't know how to use a computer with friendly instructors to guide them through. Indirectly, this ensures that the society in the surrounding area is computer literate. But, most importantly, such a class will lead the young to utilize their time in a more beneficial way. Turkey, after all, has one of the youngest populations in the world, with about 20 million people under the age of 30. How do you protect them from experimenting with tobacco, alcohol, illicit drugs and sexual activity? This is where such centers play an important role. These centers can serve as protective factors against the risks of involvement in potentially problematic behaviors.

In another room, women were busy learning the arts of embroidery, cross-stitching and knitting. I think such classes are really vital to preserving the beauty of the Turkish people's embroidery culture. In terms of tourism, I think it is one of the best features of the people of this land. Such intricate handwork, such lively colors, such patience in the making of each embroidered work; this should be taught and promoted in order to ensure that such skills do not die out. It is also the best way of providing the women with skills that can be used for home-based businesses. And of course, such classes also provide a platform for social interaction that will lead to a more close-knit relationship between the people in society. Other types of classes, including English classes, are also on offer. These classes are selected based on the needs of society.

"I wish I could learn embroidery like these women," and, "I wish we had such a center near my home," were exactly my thoughts as I walked around the center. Because, you see, society will not be able to utilize these opportunities unless the path to them is made open for them. I truly think that centers such as this should be built throughout İstanbul. Every area needs a center where people can meet and do something together while getting to know each other. I find Turks a very caring and friendly lot, but what a pity that such caring and friendliness are generally contained within the family and not fostered in a more open way within the society. I truly believe such centers, backed by the local municipalities, can promote a more lively society. In Ümraniye alone, there are a total of 15 youth and culture centers that have been built in the past five years. But is that enough? What about other places? How many such places are there in total in İstanbul?

People need specific places and facilities to socialize as a society. The youth need programs that they consider "fun" to fill their time with. Centers like this may be the answer. But are there enough of them?


05 March 2009, Thursday
SIMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

JUST BE CAREFUL

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=158642&bolum=132

Individual financial suicide? That is truly an easy thing to do if you are not careful while living in Turkey. There are two dangerous patterns here: credit cards and easy bank loans.

There is no doubt that credit cards are a vital part of living here. It is not very surprising since, for years, Turkey was plagued by very high annual inflation rates. When I arrived in 1999, it was 64.9 percent.

At that time, even though I was happy to be able to hold my first million, it was a scary indication of how terrible the economy was since that million was only enough to buy a few loaves of bread. Carrying a large sum of cash to buy things with was not the smartest thing to do, so people had resorted to using credit cards in place of cash. At that time, the concept of buying your things using what Turks call “taksit” (monthly installments) was a very wise thing to do since prices increased almost every time you entered a store. That was why it was better to buy things before their prices increased and then divide the payments over several months. Türks got used to this concept.

As years went by, the concept of taksit kept on getting better. Originally just three or four monthly payments, business owners have now made deals with banks to allow their customers to extend their monthly payments over 12 months (or even more). It was indeed a good strategy to attract potential customers and encourage people to buy more.

However, the inflation rate has gotten much better, decreasing from 64.9 percent in 1999 to 9.8 percent in 2007, and prices do not increase as often as they used to. Therefore, the reason why installment plans became so popular nine years ago is no longer applicable. But the concept of buying on installments has been in society for so long that people, including myself, simply see it as a part of life. It is a good thing, too. If you need to buy a fridge, for example, but do not have enough cash, what do you do? Paying for the fridge on a monthly basis over 12 months is definitely the best way to go about it. How many people do you know who can afford to pay the lump sum?

Unfortunately, those who are not careful pay for everything -- from their groceries to their clothing to their household expenses -- in installments without budgeting. Buying one thing after another on credit, even though the amounts may be small, some people eventually find themselves in debt with their bank, barely able to make the monthly payments. As a result, some resort to making only the minimum monthly payment on their credit cards to make ends meet, but they continue paying for future purchases in installments and end up stuck in the trap of skyrocketing interest. This is a good thing for the bank, naturally, but it is definitely a bad situation for the credit card user. So how do you get out of this?

Ah, that is easy, people might say, get a bank loan. I just can’t believe how easily loans are given out to people here in Turkey. By just sending a message with Turkish ID numbers, for example, one can get an easy loan. Almost all banks are giving loans very easily to people, at times causing me to wonder, “Don’t Turkish people realize that these loans and these monthly payments are, after all, debt? Why go from one debt to another?”

Many have fallen into this financial trap. Easy monthly payments and easy loans are good only when you know how to budget your expenses. The fact that they are debt does not change, and in this global financial crisis, who can say that we will still be in the same financial situation we were a month ago? Will we be able to make all the payments in the future? We need to be careful. No matter how fascinating it is to make small monthly payments each month on things we buy, we still need to carefully consider what we can and cannot afford. We have to ask ourselves, “Do we really need to buy this?” Just be careful. Plan your needs to avoid ending up in a financial mess. Going bankrupt is not worth it.

14 November 2008, Friday
SIMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

İskender is the KEBAB I seek

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=153682&bolum=132

Talking about Turkish food, among the first things a visitor to Turkey will ask is

“How’s the kebab?”

Of course, the question of which kebab one will like best is a question of one’s personal taste. There are a lot of varieties to choose from; kebab made from chicken, beef or lamb. And recently even vegetable kebabs specifically designed for vegetarians have been devised. Take your pick. This country can cater to all of your needs through its kebabs.

For my family at least, it has and always will be İskender kebab. My daughter especially is a great fan. It is basically pide bread cut into small pieces, topped with thin slices of döner meat, tomato sauce garnished with yogurt and pickled or grilled green pepper -- and the taste enhancer of all, hot melted butter poured on top of everything before eating. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

What is so special about it? Is it the way the pide bread is made? Or is it the way the döner meat is prepared and sliced? Everything should be cut not too thin and not too thick; it has to be perfect in every sense. Naturally, bad tomato sauce will affect the taste. I guess it is the combination of everything that makes it so good to eat. Only an usta (expert) knows the secret recipe to the wonderful taste of an İskender kebab. Of course, where you eat your İskender kebab is also important. Some restaurants prepare the kebab deliciously, while others do not.

Most Turks associate this kebab with İskender Bey, the kebab’s inventor and a Bursa resident. You can’t go to Bursa without having a bite of the original İskender kebab. This is a city where İskender kebab restaurants are managed by the descendents of İskender Bey himself.

Lucky for us İstanbulites, we have a lot of options for good İskender kebabs. Although slowly, the original İskender kebab restaurants are expanding their businesses all over İstanbul, so the question of trying to eat the original kebab is no longer a problem. We no longer need to go to Bursa as the kebab has come to us.
But quite recently I discovered something disturbing. Our family had the chance to go to Bursa. Naturally, the İskender Kebab restaurant was one of the many eating places we visited, and it served the best-tasting İskender kebab I have ever had in my eight-and-a-half years of living here. Everyone in the family who ate there agreed. Scanning through the brochures, I noticed that this particular İskender kebab restaurant has only a few branches both in Bursa and in İstanbul. What made me wonder was that in İstanbul alone, I had gone to a number of İskender kebab restaurants all belonging to the descendents of İskender Bey. It turns out that because İskender kebab is already three generations old, one İskender kebab restaurant belonging to one name (under the same founder) is not part of the same company. The descendents have become divided. However, one thing does not change among the descendents (in general): Each sells İskender kebab as the only dish in the restaurant. All prepare delicious İskender kebabs. After all, they all basically learned the tricks of the trade from the same founder. Nonetheless, this one İskender kebab restaurant that belongs to Yavuz so far has the most delicious kebabs I have tasted since coming here.

Personally speaking, I feel really sad over the division. This is a family business. If all the family members stick together as a company and expand their business to all parts of Turkey, maintaining the same high quality standards of the original İskender kebab, then this family with its İskender kebab business will be powerful and a force to be reckoned with in the kebab field. Instead, the family members are divided. As a result, we all find İskender kebabs under the same founder but maintained and managed by different names of the founder’s descendents. But then, to be fair, for three generations to be together under the same roof may be difficult business wise as each person has his or her own personal views as how to run the business. One example of this is that one restaurant serves İskender fast food next to the İskender kebab restaurant in the Ulusoy outlet of Susurluk. It is a new idea no doubt produced by one of İskender bey descendents.

A visitor to Turkey who wants to eat İskender kebab needs to be selective about where to eat because the choice will determine whether they will request an İskender kebab the next time they enter a kebab restaurant or not. But one thing to bear in mind for those who are not used to Turkey: If you enter a restaurant which basically sells İskender kebab and nothing else, that is a clear indication that the restaurant is worth entering. And if you are in Bursa, the original place of this kebab, the original İskender Kebab restaurant, is a place you must visit. Otherwise, you may miss out on eating one of the most delicious kebabs out there.


20 September 2008, Saturday
SIMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

Ramadan in İstanbul

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=153440&bolum=132

People back home in Malaysia often ask me, “How is it fasting during Ramadan in İstanbul?” My answer is always,

“It depends on who you are with and where you go to.”

Observant Muslims -- be it in Malaysia, İstanbul or anywhere else in the world -- fast from dawn to sunset. However, I was not prepared for what I saw in my first Ramadan in İstanbul. Being used to the environment in Malaysia, where Muslims in general fast and those who don’t never eat openly in public, I found it shocking to see a large number of Muslims openly eat and drink without reservation -- as if the holy month means nothing to them. They go on with their lives, eating and drinking in public without respect for those who fast, believing that they have the freedom to do as they please and that no one can say anything about it. Such things used to make me shudder with sadness and, though I am now used to the environment, I still feel extremely uncomfortable and sad inside.

It displays the cold fact of how a certain group of people perceive Ramadan negatively, which is sad since I remember clearly how my non-Muslim friends back home always tried their best not to eat or drink in front of their fasting Muslim friends as a sign of respect. Nonetheless, this does not represent the whole society, as there are also many Muslims in İstanbul and Turkey in general who fast during the month.

Fasting or not, I find the Turks are rich in their social interactions. If you look at the iftars (fast-breaking dinners), people race to invite their friends and families to their homes. It is the time when everyone gets together to enjoy each other’s company while lavishing guests with food. I remember clearly my first iftar here at my late mother-in-law’s home. The long table was full with rich breakfast foods -- pide (flat bread), jams, sucuk, börek, olives, eggs and more. Just name it, it was there. I ate the breakfast with relish until I was full and then my mother-in-law asked me if I wanted soup. It turned out that was only the beginning of dinner, not to mention dessert. No one in their right mind living here can lose weight during iftar and I think any Turk can vouch for that. The fantastic, mouthwatering and delicious food is wonderfully evil for the waistline.

What I also love about this place is the fact that almost everywhere you can find big tents, called “iftar çadırı,” where the less well-off come and eat free cooked meals for their iftar. It is normally provided by many organizations, backed by the people, to provide food for the poor since Ramadan, after all, is about giving and sharing. And, yes, Turks are givers and sharers. There is no doubt about it.

And after all these years, I find that the Sultanahmet (Blue Mosque) and Eyüp Sultan areas are the two places to go to get a feel for how festive this month is. In both places people basically flock by thousands for iftar. Seen from the air, they are like small ants in many colors, all waiting to have iftar in the area surrounding both mosques, as well as praying and enjoying the fun, the glitter, the crowd and the food sold at different food stalls there. In the Sultanahmet area, for example, a book fair is organized each year and books by different publishers can be found and purchased at discounted prices.

My family and I for example, have made it a tradition to go to visit Eyüp Sultan at least once a year in Ramadan. I find it to be the best place for us to expose the kids to what Ramadan is all about. The moment you enter the area, you feel soothed by the fact that unless they are small children, you don’t see people openly eating and drinking. These people observe their fasting and those who don’t (or can’t) fast, respect those who do. Hundreds of people bring their own mats or newspapers and their own food from home and sit outside the mosque to break their fasts together with their loved ones. And for those who don’t have their own food, there are always restaurants eager to please their customers. You can also see people lining up at the iftar tents to get their food for free. It is truly soothing to see the faces of fasting people, though exhausted, eagerly waiting to break their fast at a holy mosque, especially in the midst of the Quran recitation read by the imam. This is what Ramadan is. This is what you want your family members to experience, because Ramadan is not just about going hungry and thirsty. It is a festival in its own right.

Not far from Eyüp Sultan mosque, there is also a feshane, a factory established to produce clothing and fez for the Ottoman army by the impe­rial decree of Sultan Abdülmecid in the year 1839. Now the building is abandoned and hosts fairs, conferences and exhibitions. When we went there after iftar a few days ago, it was quite a happening place. Inside there are fairs and religious music concerts to celebrate the holy month. There is also a fancy restaurant there. Outside, the luna park awaits the kids to provide entertainment. There are also food stalls waiting for customers who want to eat while watching the lively happenings around them as they sip their Turkish tea under the lovely moon, with a view of the Golden Horn adding the perfect romantic touch amidst the crowd. And to add to the romance (even when you are with your children) a 20-minute tour along the Golden Horn in a Sultan Kayık (a long boat similar to the ones used by the sultans) for YTL 5 is the ultimate conclusion to a wonderful festival for us parents to offer the kids. And the fact that the Eyüp Municipality has provided the Mehtar band performances adds a special feeling so that, by the end of the night, when it was time to go home, I said to myself,

“Yes, Ramadan in İstanbul is wonderful indeed.”


18 September 2008, Thursday
SİMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

So I Can Stay...

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=138353


Being married to a Turkish citizen is one thing, but getting a residence permit is another. In fact, that has been something of a nightmare for me for the last eight and a half years.

Even though Turkey recognizes dual citizenship, my own country does not. Therefore, it is impossible for me to apply for Turkish citizenship without losing my current citizenship. So, I have had no choice but to visit the Emniyet Müdürlüğü Office a number of times after all these years to renew my residence permit.

Every time we needed to visit the Emniyet Müdürlüğü we had to get out of the apartment by 6:30 a.m. in order to be among the first in line. Leaving the apartment even five minutes later would have made a large difference in what part of the line we were in. We had to wait in line at many counters; I was told that one counter was supposed to be for this while the other counter was supposed to be for that. And after waiting for hours, I would come up to a counter, only to be told that my documents were incomplete, necessitating another visit to the office. The next time I would go there, I would again be told that further documents were required. It seemed that the required documents changed as often as one changes clothes. Most of the time, my husband and I were left in frustration.

I was also lucky in that I could leave my children with relatives. Some had to bring their children along and, at times, their newly born babies! It was a nightmare; however, as a foreigner I had no choice but to be among those in line in order to be able to stay with my husband and children, all of whom are Turkish citizens.
My residence permit was set to expire a few days ago and I needed to go renew it yet again. Following years of experience, I wizened up and went with my husband to the Emniyet Müdürlüğü two weeks in advance to ask what documents would be needed for renewal. I was pleasantly surprised that the man at the information counter gave us a small piece of paper that listed all the necessary documents. He also gave us a copy of the residence permit declaration form.

In addition to all of this, a Web site has been set up at http://yabancilar. iem.gov.tr/ikametingilizce.html that provides this form for download and an updated list of necessary documents for renewal in Turkish, English and German. This must be something new as last year they did not have it -- or at least I was not aware of it. All of this has made the renewal process much easier. Being able to download the form, fill it out and print it at home is very convenient. Last year the process included getting the form and having your information typed on it, all for a YTL 9 fee. That was really outrageous. This year, thank God, the process has been made so much easier.

Time came to renew the permit and, with all the documents in hand, I went to the office. This time, I was confident that I had the right documents. We got to the office at around 7:15 a.m. and, unsurprisingly, many people were already there, waiting to be let into the Emniyet Müdürlüğü building compound. What I loved about the whole experience this time around was that those who came would leave their ID card or passport at the entrance counter so that when the gates were opened, those who came first would enter first and would then be the first in line to get numbers before going up to the counters. This removed the possibility of people cutting in line -- which could create great tension in an already tense atmosphere.

As expected, while waiting to pick up a number in the corridor, we froze. Years of experience have taught me that in seasons like this one, going to the Emniyet Müdürlüğü with a winter jacket on is the best way to go. This became clearer as, unlike in previous years, we had to wait longer. The numbers were only given out shortly after 9 a.m., though this might have been because the numbering machine was broken.
The whole situation with the counters has changed. Instead of having to go to many counters to complete the renewal process, we only needed to go to one, where the attendant checked all of our documents and stamped them. Previously, we had to go to two counters, both of which had very long lines; at one counter we were required to pay the fee for the permit while at the second one we needed to submit the payment receipt. This time around, my husband and I were already on our way to breakfast by 10 a.m.

The most important change I noticed was that only a certain number of people were given numbers for the morning session. Those who did not get a number would have to be in line after the lunch break to get numbers. This has greatly reduced the crowd of people waiting for their turn. In previous years, numbers for the whole day were given in the morning. This led to many people having to wait the entire day only to leave because the lines were painfully slow and the crowd suffocating. I commend the Emniyet Müdürlüğü for fixing this situation. The new system really makes a difference. For once in my life I walked away with a smile after renewing my permit.

What concerns me most, however, is a foreigner like myself who is married to a Turkish citizen is required to renew the residence permit in order to stay in Turkey. One of the requirements is that the couple must be present together at the Emniyet Müdürlüğü before the permit can be renewed. What happens after (God forbid!) my husband dies? I would not be able to renew my permit. Does this mean that would have to return to my country, Malaysia? What if I want to stay here? It would not be wise for me to move to Malaysia as my life, and more importantly, that of my children, who are Turkish citizens, is already firmly planted here. It would not be fair to my children to have to start from ground zero in another land. Wouldn't it be easier if foreigners married to a Turkish citizen are allowed to have a permanent residence permit?

It is true that a residence permit valid for several years is available, but the costs are forbidding. The fee for a one-year residence permit is approximately YTL 500 as of this writing. If I wanted to request a 10-year residence permit, the fee would climb to YTL 5,000. Renewing the permit is not cheap and I for one cannot afford that much money. But renewing the permit is still not an answer. Were my husband to die before I needed to renew my permit, what then? I personally feel that a law should be introduced that allows spouses of Turkish citizens to be granted permanent residence permits.


08.04.2008
SIMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

So We can be Safe

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=135359

All male Turks living in Turkey or abroad are required to serve in the Turkish military after a certain age.

The duration of their service depends on the person’s qualifications -- as does their rank. One may serve in the military as an “er” if he holds only a high school diploma, while one may serve as an “asteğmen” if he has a university degree.

I see there is a kind of pride among the people in sending their sons to the military service. It is as if there is an unspoken pride, particularly among the fathers of these sons, that “my son is a man now -- he is learning to be a man.” In villages, families usually have big parties, complete with eating, singing and dancing, as a big send-off. They are proud to send off their sons to serve in the military service; the occasion is a festive one.

In big cities like İstanbul, these parties are no less festive. The families will usually host at least a family gathering, if not more. Even though the family gatherings are more likely to be held inside the apartment rather than in the garden due to space limitations and the living situation, a man going to the military service is celebrated one way or another.

I remember one time when our apartment caretaker’s son was due for his military service. He had the family gathering the apartment building’s parking lot. The music and the chatting were rather loud and the peace was disturbed, but because we all knew that he was sending his son away, the neighborhood endured it. It was no use spoiling the family’s fun, as such a thing does not happen all the time.

As an expat newly adjusting to the Turkish culture at the time, I remember how I used to get irritated at people who honked their cars nonstop as they passed by while sending a family member to the military service. I mean, come on! Mini-buses honk, normal cars honk. To me, when you are being honked at, it means you have done something wrong on the road. But in Turkey, everything outfitted with a horn honks! That is one of the things in Turkey that used to drive me really mad. It was when my husband nudged me and said, “Your time will come, too. Don’t be judgmental,” that I realized people simply find ways to express their feelings. Honking is their way of saying: “Please make way, one of my family members is leaving for his military service. Have some respect for the feelings I have inside. I am proud of him.” Thus, they honk their cars. Of course the fact that they are disturbing the peace is another matter altogether! But that is a feature of Turkey that, if you plan to live here, you just have to get used to.

Another way of sending sons off to the military is by dancing in the streets. I remember on one occasion where upon sending his son to the military service, our apartment’s caretaker’s family danced in the street in front of their apartment. A neighbor called the police to stop the noise. Though such a thing may be common in villages, life in İstanbul, however, does not permit such noise. Though I was glad that the noise stopped, I was also sad that this family’s sending their son off to the military ended with a chat with the police. The point is, Turks will make as much noise as possible (in as many different ways as possible) on occasions such as this one. That’s how Turks are. And if you are around, well, just turn the volume of your television up and try to be understanding.

But really, how many want their son to be away on military duty if it is not mandatory? Ask any mother, any father, any wife, any siblings, any child, any friend. You basically lose your son for the duration of his service. He will be away from the comfort he is used to at home. As a loved one, you worry for his safety. A mother or a wife cannot stop but wonder: Is he eating enough? Is he resting well? Are they working him too hard? Is he happy?

I had a little taste of this when my Turkish husband was in the army a few years ago. He joined the mandatory army service for a year after completing his doctorate. He was sent for his intensive training as an asteğmen for two-and-a-half months in İzmir. Our kids were 3 and 4 years old then. I still remember how the kids used to miss their dad, how worried I was while he was away. And imagine, my husband was safe and sound at the training center. He had every privilege possible. He was treated nicely. We even used to chat over the Internet once a week from his training center! But even with that, I found it hard living without him. I was lucky that during the intensive training he did well and was able to choose where he wanted to complete the rest of his military service. My husband was able to live with us and go to the military base just as regular workers go to work. I was lucky, but not everyone is lucky. Some were sent to the borders, where the possibility of getting killed is high.

I can’t imagine the feelings of families whose members are serving in the army now, be it as a profession or as part of their mandatory military service. It can’t be easy, especially when your loved ones are stationed in war zones where the likelihood of their being killed is very high.
Five Turkish soldiers lost their lives on the first day of a ground offensive into northern Iraq against the outlawed Kurdistan Workers’ Party (PKK). The death rate will not stop there. This is war. More lives will be lost.

As all eyes turned to the media and waited for the latest war updates as thousands prayed for the safety of the “Mehmetcik,” a term fondly used to refer to the Turkish soldier; I think all hearts in Turkey were united for those at war to return alive. It is in times like these that one realizes it does not matter who is fighting in the war -- even if you do not know them personally, they are there to defend this homeland so that Turks and expats alike can live in safety. Their loss is everyone’s loss. And so we pray for their safety.


03.03.2008
SİMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL

Headscarves: a sin?

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=132656

Turkey is a Muslim country, isn’t it? And in Islam headscarves are strongly recommended for women who have come of age.


So how come it is forbidden by law to wear one in the public sphere here, such as at universities?
I cannot describe the feeling of embarrassment and sadness that I feel every time such questions are posed to me by guests from my homeland, Malaysia.

I could only reply with “That’s just how things are,” and leave further explanation of my statement to my husband.

It is not my place to condemn. It is not my place to bombard the country my husband and children are citizens of with criticism. In a way, this is also my land. A place I have called home for so many years.

However, one can’t help but feel sadness to see that in a country where 99 percent of the population is Muslim, there is this fear and opposition toward one of the obligations of the religion of Islam: the wearing of the headscarf.

From a foreigner’s perspective, one cannot help but ask: Why such fear? Why are the people against headscarves?

Is this because the people are ashamed to declare themselves Muslims? Is it because they think that when one wears the headscarf, she is no longer “worldly” and “sophisticated”?

Such opposition and fear I personally find extremely childish and silly. People wear headscarves. So what? Why the fuss about what one wears or does? Who are you to decide what others should wear and what they should not wear? What harm do people with headscarves cause to the country to make wearing headscarves in government institutions forbidden? As far as I can see, the people with headscarves mind their own business and hope that those around them will respect their choice of clothing style without being gawked at as if they have done something wrong.

Coming from a multiethnic country with a variety of religions and beliefs freely practiced, I truly find the current situation in Turkey depressing. The freedom to practice one’s own religion is restricted. And worse, people who set the laws to forbid headscarves come from the same religion! That makes the whole situation more pathetic than ever. Where is the open-mindedness of the people? Or is there a hidden plot?

Take Malaysia for example. Do all Muslims there wear headscarves? The answer is no. Muslims around the world or those of other religions vary in their level of religious devotion. Some are more devoted, others less.

The same is true with Muslims in Malaysia. Some wear headscarves while others do not. Some cover their bodies with modest clothing as suggested by Islam while others wear extremely sexy clothing. But do we condemn each other? Do we make a law that requires Muslims should wear this or that? Do we focus on one group or the other in the media? No we do not. We respect each other’s life choices even if we personally disapprove of them. We do not degrade each other. No one is made fun of. The golden rule is to respect each other (regardless of religion and lifestyle) so that we can all live in harmony. Which brings us back to the question: Why can’t Turkey? There is one dominant religion here and the headscarf debate has become a major issue when it really should not be.

I clearly remember one of our holidays last year. My husband attended a conference in Çeşme, and the kids and I decided to tag along. I was personally quite worried since I wear a headscarf.
Will they allow me to enter the pool or the beach with my “tesettür” (Islamic) swimwear, I wondered.

It was an international conference and nobody said anything since I am clearly a foreigner, though I did speak Turkish with my children. What I noticed was, being the only one in the tesettur swimwear, people -- and especially the Turks -- stared at me unabashedly. I think they just couldn’t believe their eyes, seeing that a headscarved person dared to be there. They disapproved of my presence but I ignored them all. I had the right to be there just like everyone else. I actually giggled when one of the Turks could no longer contain his curiosity and finally approached me to ask in his Turkish-English accent, “Where are you from?”

Frankly speaking, it was uncomfortable to be there as well for me. It was no fun to be stared at when you were trying to enjoy a nice holiday with your children. But I think in the audacity of my presence, I hope I had made the point that everyone is free to be where they want to be. I did not feel such opposition from people from other countries. That is why I think people opposed to the headscarf need to rethink their own personal views and need to be more open minded. I remember one summer when a group of ladies dared to defy the norm and went to the beach in Bodrum with headscarves and full covering -- they were shown on TV!

It was also during that one holiday in Çeşme that a particular incident really made me sad. My kids and I decided to swim in one of the hotel’s pools. A group of young people (male and female) were already there, diving and swimming. The moment we entered the pool, they started to move to the other side of the pool, looked at each other and began to give us dirty looks while whispering to each other. Being the stubborn person that I am, I stood my ground and stayed in the pool until my children had enough fun swimming and playing there.

The moment we left the poolside area to head for the beach, the group of young people started to cheer. Despite all the “attitude” I encountered, I did enjoy my holiday immensely. Maybe that is because I am not “normal”, as people with headscarves usually choose not to burden themselves with such stares. They prefer places where headscarved women gather. With the exception of that one holiday, we do too.

But that is not a solution. The point is that Turks should learn to respect each other’s life choices. They should be more open-minded. The sad thing is that not every Turk opposes headscarves. This opposition only comes from a certain group of people. However, this group of people controls the law, the media and, with that, manages to influence the minds of those less educated. This is a pity really because, in my opinion at least, the Turks are among the warmest people I have ever met -- second only to Malaysians, of course!

The fact that the present government is trying hard to lift the ban on headscarves at universities is wonderful news indeed. I think those wearing headscarves in this country only ask for simple things: fairness and respect. This is not too much to ask for as it is their right to ask for it.

Not too long ago I read in a newspaper that the Republican People’s Party’s (CHP) MP Canan Arıtman said, “Örtülerinizi atın, özgürleşin” (take off your headscarves and be free!). I think her concept of freedom is wrongly misplaced, because freedom entails the ability to choose for oneself what to wear and not to be told what to wear. Fine, she has her own view and is free to express it. But neither Arıtman nor anyone else has the right to force anyone else to conform to such a predefined concept of freedom.

There is also fear among some people that Turkey will become like Malaysia, with headscarves being one of the topics in question. From Malaysian’s perspective, there is no way Turkey can become Malaysia if the people are not free to be what they want to be.

29.01.2008
SİMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL