TOO SCARED TO DRIVE?

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/news-182920-expat-voice-too-scared-to-drive.html

It was early December 2008 when I asked my kids, “Do you want to pick up your baba [father] from the airport?” Both shouted an excited yes.

The thing is, till then, I had never driven a car to the European side of İstanbul. I had no idea about the way. But since everybody in the family just said, “Go straight,” with the bravery I dreamt of possessing, I collected my inner strength and sat behind the wheel. I drove straight without making any turns, thinking that I was driving toward the second bridge, but in truth, I was heading toward the first bridge. I was supposed to turn left before going straight ahead. When I reached Üsküdar, I knew straight away that I was going the wrong way. Going straight meant I was supposed to reach the bridge to the European side, but Üsküdar is definitely on the Asian side of İstanbul. Where is the bridge? I kept on driving, stopping at gas stations, asking for directions, not really knowing where I was heading, my head painfully throbbing from stress, especially with two kids in tow. Outwardly, I was trying to be calm. Finally, I saw a familiar place, the Capitol shopping center. Thank God. I drove to Polis Hastane nearby where I knew there was a taxi stop. I asked for directions from taxi drivers only to find myself more confused than ever. I finally decided to go home instead of going to the airport and paid a taxi driver TL 15 to lead the way toward my home with me tailing behind in my own car. Halfway, the taxi driver stopped somewhere and told me that he talked to his colleagues and that the traffic to the European side was clear. Not wanting to disappoint my kids who really wanted to pick up their baba from the airport, I again changed my direction and drove the car toward the bridge with the taxi driver showing me the turn to the Bosporus Bridge. We later parted ways. After almost 100 kilometers of driving, taking “wonderfully” wrong turns just to reach the bridge (not to mention wasting TL 15 along the way), the kids and I finally managed to reach the airport safe and sound. Well, you may think what I did that day was funny. I mean who in their right mind would pay a taxi driver TL 15 as a guide home, eh? You may also sneer and think that I should not have driven at all, especially not knowing the road. Only a mad person would do that. Some of you may compliment my determination, though I did falter at a point. Finally being able to sit behind the wheel and drive on the scary roads of İstanbul is such a great memory. Yes, I was and am driving. How ironic is it to think that when I wrote my first piece in Today's Zaman on Nov. 6, 2007, I had complained of the terrible traffic, narrow roads and the dangerous yet interesting way of driving in İstanbul. I vowed that I would never ever be in the driver's seat. But that is the thing, isn't it? One should never say “never” because you may have to eat your words. Well, I did. I first got my driving license in Malaysia 17 years ago. I used to drive when I was back home, “kidnapping” my dad's car whenever possible. Unfortunately, İstanbul had actually killed my courage to drive. This fear had eaten me up on the inside, making me shameful of my inability to drive. It had followed me like a shadow, making me feel incomplete, my inner self battling to find the courage I lacked. It was only on a day when my husband had a kidney stone when we were at our summer house and had to drive himself to the hospital that I finally found the desire to drive, for emergency situations. And when he finally bought our first car (we used his auntie's car for years), I finally managed to fight the demons that had been eating me up on the inside. The thing is, I do not think I am alone in this fear of driving, particularly among ladies, on the roads of İstanbul. I think subconsciously it has a lot to do with the stereotype that women are always considered bad drivers. When someone parks the car terribly or someone drives slowly compared to the rest or someone makes a sloppy U-turn, automatically someone will think that the driver is a woman. In İstanbul, many times I have witnessed that male drivers in particular will honk their horns at women drivers for what they perceive is slow driving. I, myself, once driving at 100 kilometers an hour in the slow lane, was honked at by a truck driver for slow driving (100 kilometers an hour is slow in the slow lane?). Not only that, you can also witness swearing by their male counterparts concerning the way women drive. It is as if there is no patience at all when it comes to driving. Ironically, I do not see people honking their horns when a male driver makes an illegal turn, which happens far too often on the roads of İstanbul. Curse the ladies, ignore the male wrongdoers. Is that fair? Everybody needs to get somewhere. Reaching a place a little bit later will not harm anyone. To women who are still trying to get used to driving, being honked at or being cursed at can be very disheartening. This kind of stereotyping, whether one likes it or not, does damage women's self-esteem while driving. It also affects their driving skills. Recent studies show that women exposed to such stereotypes have a bigger risk of acting like “bad drivers,” thus contributing to a higher risk of accidents. Naturally, things are made even worse when one goes on the Internet and sees Web sites with pictures and videos of how bad women drive. They can be very degrading. The question is, isn't it bad enough for women in İstanbul who are starting to drive to have fear of the already frightening traffic and roads, with having to at the same time feel insecure over this stereotype? Personally, I see myself as a competent and responsible driver. Admittedly, I need help with parking. In my mind, I know how to park perfectly, theories and all. But as a result of this stereotype, my self-esteem regarding my parking capabilities is not very high. On a busy road, I do not have enough confidence to park the car because I know I will park slowly, with waiting cars honking at me. I hate being honked at. Consequently, I usually go places where I can park easily. Fortunately, I have every intention of not being laughed at or honked at while trying to park. That is why whenever possible, I practice my parking slowly in the apartment's parking lot or at my kids' school. The stereotype may state that women are bad drivers, but women drivers do not have to be that way. We should not let a simple belief among society dictate the way we drive. We are not the atrocious drivers society in general wants us to believe we are. It took me almost nine years to find the courage to drive again. It has been almost a year since I started driving on the roads of İstanbul. My personal finding is this: driving is just like learning to swim. It is not very hard. It is only after you have confidence and trust in yourself that you will be able to drive. It is actually less scary to be in the driver's seat than to sit next to the driver since you are the one controlling the car. You can see how narrow the road is, whether your car can pass another car. The control of the car is yours. Once you have gained that inner confidence, it does not matter where you are driving, be it İstanbul or even New York. One should always believe in oneself. Encouragement from your loved ones definitely helps. When I first started to drive our then-new car, I asked my husband: “What if I hit something? What if I scratch the car? Won't you be sad?” His answer was: “If you hit something, then you hit something. So what? You can do it.” That boosted my confidence because he trusts me. That is why, if one can overcome one's fears, one will be all right. Learning how to drive in the scary traffic in İstanbul, one also needs a lot of patience, in the sense that you know that some drivers (male or female) may turn to the left or right without signaling. You know that a minibus driver may sway to the left side or the right side of the road at a second's notice and perhaps no notice at all. You know that a minibus driver may also stop when you least expect it. You also know that there will always be some impatient drivers who will honk at you if you fail to move the car the second the traffic light turns green. There will always be those unexpected moments when a driver will make a turn where he or she should not. It is when you know what to expect from other drivers that you become a better driver since you know what to look for. You know what danger you may be in. You know what kind of irritation you may expect from others behind the wheel. When you begin to drive, it helps of course to drive where the traffic is not too heavy. My route was from our summer house in the village of Mahmudiye, driving downhill toward Kırkpınar in Sapanca. I later expanded my driving from Sapanca to İstanbul and slowly around the Asian side and a few familiar routes on the European side. It is always wise to stick to familiar routes in the beginning because the roads in İstanbul can be very confusing. There are thousands of roads one can get lost on. Even the familiar roads can have a “no entry” sign one day and a “with entry” sign the next day. That is why it is my dream to have a global positioning system (GPS) in our car so that I will not get lost. That may have to stay a dream, but hey, I am a woman, and I am driving in İstanbul. So?

04 August 2009, Tuesday

SİMAH ZAİM İSTANBUL